Time Duck
by TwilightSentry
Summary: IQ High calls Dodgers back to Earth to reveal some alarming news: In just over a week, the universe as we know it will end.
1. Chapter 1

_Well, this is my first fanfic., so please R&R to tell me if I should continue. _

* * *

Some stories are so grand, so epic, so incredible, that they are immortalized. These stories are read by billions, and still enjoyed today, whether ten years or ten-thousand years old. The book Duck Dodgers happened to be holding was such a classic. 

Unfortunately, Dodgers couldn't care less. His mind was more focused on his recent visit to the vacation planet Rice 6. Oh how he loved those...

"Captian!" yelled his over-enthusastic cadet.

"What is it Cadet? I was just getting to the good part!" he responded.

"But you're still on page 1," the pig noticed.

"Not that!" fired back the uniform-wearing waterfoul, "What did you want anyway?"

"We're receiving a message from the co-cee-ca-cu-ca-coma... from IQ-High."

"Well put 'im on!" said Dodgers.

The viewscreen blazed to life bearing a greyscale rendition of Duck Dodger's commander, IQ-High. It is considered by many quite strange that these screens do not use color, which was perfected in the twenty-second-and-a-few-pinches-of-salt century. This triviality, however has no bearing on the story unfolding.

"Where have you been Dodgers! I've been on hold for the last 51 astro-minutes!" griped the overworked, stressed-out, needs-a-break-from-Dodgers man with a light bulb on his head. "Do you have any idea how annoying that 'Row-row-row-your-boat" song you have the computer play is?" He promptly began to hum said song.

"You're not exactly a sight for sore eyes yourself, Doc," chuckled Dodgers.

"Whatever! Just get back to Earth already! We need you!"

Dodgers was stumped. "Wait-a-minute here. How can I be anywhere outside of Earth? Space-travel is just science fiction!"

"But ca-cu-ce-captian, this is the twenty-fourth-and-a-half century." pointed out the cadet.

"Oh yeah... I forgot..." replied Dodgers. "Cadet, plot a course for... Uhh... Where-ever we're going! Maximum warp! Now... Umm... It's that other button; it has some pretty letters on it; when I push it the ship gets all stretchy and we go really fast."

"You mean 'Engage?'

"Naw, that's some other guy's line... I've got it! Readysetgo!"

"I ge-gu-ga-gu-ge-ga; I think that's the best I'm getting..." The cadet pushed the button, and the ship's FasterThanSomethingOrOther drive engaged, sending the duo to their home planet.

* * *

"Welcome back to Earth, Dodgers. Please, have a seat," suggested IQ-High to the newly arrived Protectorate captian.

"So whaddya' need me to do, IQ? Save the queen of Mars? Save a planet from its terrible invaders? Rescue that kitten on fourth street that keeps climbing the tree?"

"Actually Dodgers, what I have today makes the greatest triumphs in history look like mere smudges of white on a grand tapestry of doom," intoned High. "You see, we are running out of time."

"Cadet'll be here soon enough; he said something about fixing the thing I broke... What was it; oh yeah! The outernet!"

"You broke the outernet? But how-did-you... We don't have time for this and right now I don't care. Recent advances in egg-membrane theory show us that not only does matter have a probibility wave, but time itself does too. This probability wave is slowly beginning to...

"Gimmie the short and sweet!" cried Dodgers.

IQ-High sighed, "In one week, two days, and 14 hours, time is going to stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, after... A really long time, here's chapter 2. I hope you like it; I don't feel it's quite as good as the first, but at least I'm back in the mindset for writing this...

* * *

"_Gimmie the short and sweet!" cried Dodgers._

_IQ-High sighed, "In one week, two days, and 14 hours, time is going to stop."_

* * *

Despite this astounding revelation, Dodgers's attention was elsewhere.

"Did you hear what I just said?" asked IQ High. "And what are you doing to my ball-point pen? It's an antique, you know."

"Oh yeah, about that," the duck muttered as he handed his commander the charred, beaten, emotionally-scarred, functionally-challenged remains of the writing instrument.

One could literally see an aura of anger building around IQ as he took the charred remains of his prize possession. "That pen was worth more than our entire fleet of Consternation-class starships." The light bulb on his head began pulsating as his veins began to show. "Get out."

"Okey dokey, doc." happily enunciated the incompetent duck as he bounced out of the office. He shortly returned. "By the way, I was thinking, I've been working a lot, and I think I should be getting a bit of a raise, you know? Whaddya' think?"

"OUT!" screamed the doctor, who was by now completely red and beginning to shrivel with anger.

"Eh, think about it," suggested the cause of the third Eartho-Martian war as he left the office. Had he waited outside IQ's door, he would have heard three astro-phone calls.

"Hello, Cadet? It's IQ. I want you to do two things. First and foremost, fix the universe. But once you're done with that, take Dodgers and leave him on some far-away desert planet with no atmosphere."

"Hello operator, get me the Martian queen. Five-hundred astro-dollars for ten minutes? Yes, fine, I accept the charges. Those annoying, stupid automated operators.. Why, if I ever get to... Oh, your majesty! Um yes, well, he's on his way."

"Is my dry cleaning ready? What do you mean you lost it? Why you little, incompetent..."

Passers-by at the Protectorate HQ might have noticed one of the top windows breaking and a stream of fire emanating. They most certainly heard the days of screaming.

* * *

"The doc seemed pretty ma-mu-me-ma-mo-mu he's-gonna-blow-his-top... Did you do anything..." asked the Cadet.

"Now, when have I ever done anything that wasn't in everyone's best interests?" hastially replied Duck Dodgers.

* * *

_**"We are the Borg. You will lower your shields and surrender your ships. You will take us to Earth where we will assimilate the human race." blared the com. channel.**_

_"Eh, why not," decided Dodgers._

* * *

_"And," continued Dodgers, "I recommend that the entire Protectorate switch from Linux to Ubersoft Nifty Doors._

* * *

_"What possible harm could opening this unknown portal which says 'DO NOT OPEN; HOSTILE AND HIGHLY POWERFUL LIFE-FORMS ON OTHER SIDE' do?"_

* * *

"Well, we better get going, Doc said something about eggs not having membranes or something..." murmered the all-too-evident menace.

"No Captian, we were supposed to fix time, remember?"

"Oh yeah; do you think we could swing by McCoy's and get a burger first? That's an order."

* * *

**Next time, on Time Duck:**

**_Dang-it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a chef._**

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To all reviewers:

Thanks for reviewing, it's fun to see people actually like what I write. Heh, now I just need to figure out myself where the plot's going. :)


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